Should women be judged by their clothes?

After the provocative and ambiguous statements passed by the ministers in India and ban on burkini in France this is once again a burning issue and I guess it will continue to be debated for many years to come.

"We are land of customs and traditions." "Everyone should respect the nation's culture." "Women should not move out of their houses late at night wearing short dresses."

This is what they say, right?

But tell me one thing..

Will you respect any of those customs and traditions?

Will you follow such customs that don't offer freedom to almost half of our society?

Does it seriously give you any sort of pride feeling about the country?

Is this the equality and freedom they claim to provide to every citizen of the country?!

I remember the incident, whose victim Gauhar Khan, Indian actress, was slapped on a live television show by the man in the audience who felt being a Muslim woman she should not wear such revealing clothes, her dress was too short.

I was shaken up by the incident when I heard about it! This is very unfortunate truth that people get highly obsessed with the women wearing short dresses, even now.

I wear full sized clothes rather than wearing short skirts because I feel confident about myself in it. That is my comfort area, my style. If you would ask me to wear those short skirts, I won't.. coz I simply don't feel comfortable in it. Then how can you expect other women to move out of there comfort area just to please everyone. 

Even if I do follow those "customs" and "traditions", many men will still make judgment about my personality calling me whore. They'll not stop.

Studies have shown that your clothes reveal what's upto your mind, your thoughts, your feelings. I agree. But don't judge women solely on their appearances. There's much more that makes the difference. You can tell what she's upto for that moment, but you can't judge her whole character. 

Everyone has the right to feel comfortable in their clothing, without being judged. If a girl is confident about herself, do not take that away by naming her slut or attention seeker or whore. 

'We are the modern day feminist who don't give anyone the right to choose what type of women we are. We don't dress up to impress anybody. We own our skin, we own our freedom, holding the right to be treated equally in all aspects. No custom or tradition is made bound us. This is the society's created ideology that speaks.
It's more about mental freedom than physical freedom. We deserve to be mentally free!'

Things that no one can teach you in life

You often get to hear "..learn from the people around you, be open to what they can teach you..", still there are so many things that no one teaches you or can teach you. I can give you many instances.

Were those moral value classes in your school able to teach you how to be good as a human? Were your parents able to bring that motivation inside you to do something that you never wanted?

Have anyone of your friends taught you how to flirt or how to be the king of romance just like SRK? Surely no one could!

Have you been taught the art of communication? You may have mastered communication in your high school or college but when it comes to propose a girl, you still get afraid with the idea of being slapped in return.

Have they taught you how to judge people correctly? A 'somebody' in your life may prove to be a 'nobody' at the time of need. So you yourself learn to identify the traits of people around you.

These were some basic things which I pointed. Yet as we grow up to be an adult we learn many things by ourselves along the way that no school, or university, or parent can teach us. These lessons aren't the part of any class curriculum. They are taught between the lines, picked up through pain and faulty actions. Here are some lessons that only life can teach you by marching into it.

1. Who you are

Yes it has to be the first because it permeates every aspect of life. It takes the entire life span for the people to figure out who they actually are as a person or what they want from life. Everyone holds a different perception about you. Though no one can know you better than you. Just like our life, which never remains constant, so is our nature. With every step that we take in life, we meet with a new version of ourselves. Who you are is unique to you and to others, everytime. 

2. What's good for you

You can't leave on anyone to decide it for you. You have to choose what makes you happy. The best thing that you can do in life is follow your intuition. Take risks. Don't go for safe and easy choices just because you are afraid of what they might say. No one can choose where your happiness lies or what's good for you. You can't always be agreeable, that's how people take advantage of you.

3. What to dream

Your dream defines you. Follow your passion, follow your heart regardless of what others tell you to do. One of the greatest freedoms one can have is to peruse their dreams not caring about what everyone else thinks. After all at the end of the day it's you who has to live with your dream, not them. If you dare to dream, dare to have faith that things will fall at its right place, may be not in the way how you planned, but just how it meant to be.

4. How to get over those heartbreaks

When it comes to heartbreak, our parents and friends ideology doesn't help our awkward dating issues. Nevertheless, we can learn and grow from our experiences, for we alone have to come out of that bad phase of our life. No guidance from our peers can lessen the pain. However some of them could help avoid common mistakes that are bound to occur in dating and relationships.

5. How to think wisely

Thinking is an art. We need to be equipped with the ability to think wisely through scenarios and situations which inevitably arise in our lives. No parent or teacher teach how to think; even in maths, formulas are memorised. No basic understanding of formula's formation or what it is solving for or what are the real scenarios it's applicable to, are given to the students. Too often students are taught to follow the masses or follow the idea, that is already prevailing.

6. How to handle life's mess 

At some point in life everyone finds themselves in a sorry plight. And this is the harsh reality that no family or love can fix the problems. You can only get console but you have to pass through those streets alone. No one will walk in favour of you. You alone have to cope up with the ups and downs life brings. Everything eventually finds peace.

7. How to control our emotions

Emotions are the most beautiful element of our being which can solely set us apart from others. It takes a lot of patience to master our emotions. Actions taken under extreme emotions are bound to work against us. You learn to control it by yourself. No teacher teaches you. 

Everyone learns such lessons through their individual experiences. Certain lessons life teaches us, we gain wisdom through our experiences and how we evolve out of situations. Think about all the things you would love to tell yourself if you could travel back in time to give your younger self some advice about life. What has life taught you so far? Share your experiences! 

Related articles:

Life's pathways

What if you weren't afraid?

Why do we feel lonely?

Her one-sided love

She knew no language of love
Still spoke the language that has no words

All she knew was she loved him
Loved who he was

No reasons confined her love
It was her choice to love

But she couldn't call him her's
And her love remained one-sided

Wondering what he thinks of her
She lied awake at nights thinking of him

She then kept her all busy
To escape from the pain

She couldn't wipe out all her feelings
But her love started to fade away

May be her destiny has set some other plans
This positivity made her walk with a smile

Now she only waits for the one
Who'll love her like she's the only one.

Karma and Destiny

Have you ever wondered what's the difference between karma and destiny? What is it that pulls the strings of our life? God does not write our fate, then who? The answer is 'you'. Believe it or not only you govern your life's events. It's your karma, your destiny that you created.

What is Karma?

Karma and destiny are two related words of which everyone have their own explanations. 

The theory of karma existed in India before the advent of Buddha, but it was Buddha who explained this doctrine in its true sense.

According to Buddhism Karma is intention, a willful action. One does karma by way of body, speech and intellect. The Buddha tried to redefine karma by emphasizing on 'intentions behind the action' pointing on a deeper truth. It is the will of spirit in action.

How Destiny means different from it? 

Let's take an example to define them more clearly. There is a popular saying "You reap what you sow". Here seed is destiny which offers opportunities in life. The kind of seed we want to sow is our choice. If I sow a rose seed, that is my path, my destiny, I choose which will only give me rose flower and not lotus flower. Now after that seed is sown, it asks for my maintenance. I look after it well and give it my care. That is my karma, sowing it in the right soil and watering it properly. This way I created my destiny by my karma.

This is called the law of cause and effect which has no beginning, no end. Destiny merely is not related to body, but the soul. Everyone is bound by the destiny which he carries in his palms even after reincarnation. We are responsible for our own growth. We are responsible for our own success and failure; happiness and misrey. We create our own heaven. We create our own hell. We are the architects of our fate.

If I sum up the whole thing, we can say karma governs destiny.. destiny governs karma. Our souls move in a never ending cycle of birth and rebirth to which we name reincarnation. We don't have much control over our destiny but karma can be changed. Karma is the result of our free will, our actions. We are solely responsible for everything that happen to us. 

Why do we feel lonely?

From the past few months I've been in a situation many a times where I feel so lonely and separated, a feeling that is absolutely hollow and the root cause of which is still mystery.

Yesterday I had a conversation with a friend and I realized that everyone feels lonely. It is something deep inside that is very natural. We all look for someone to be there, who do nothing, just be there.

There is a slight difference between being lonely and being alone. A person sitting in a room full of people may still feel lonely who doesn't have any listener; on the other hand a person sitting alone may not feel lonely due to the self love or be it the faith he has on God or be it the moral support from someone or anything. 

Even after having everything, people feel a little alone

• some in terms of moral support;

• some in terms of a friend;

• some in terms of a partner;

• some in terms of a listener.

What we all seek is a support, a faith from someone that will never slip away.. someone to comfort us.. someone to make us feel secure.. someone with whom we can share our life! 

My friend regarded them as "different versions of God" to overcome loneliness, some people say them soulmates, some say them bff or even some people show their religious beliefs in gem stones; a thing be it living or non living that strengthen their faith. It is that belief only (of which the reason may be anything) which helps us in overcoming this loneliness. And that internal peace enables positivity of our minds which further brings positivity in our lives. One belief does it all. 

Why do you feel lonely? What do you do to overcome this loneliness? What is that moral support for you? Share your thoughts below. :)

Related post: 

What if you weren't afraid?

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From stones to hearts

What if you weren't afraid?

Take a few minutes out of your busy lives and think about it. If you had nothing to fear or nothing holding you back, what would you do? What is your dream that you've been keeping inside the deep cores of your heart?

If you weren't afraid, would you take a flight to never come back? Would you escape and sail around the world? Would you take up a career that you love? Would you be a writer for a change to write an epic love story for yourself? 

We're afraid of everything in life and our fears hold us back from living an epic life we could live doing the things that we only dream of and at the same time be scared of.

• Perhaps we would speak up more honestly, if we weren't afraid of being judged;
• Perhaps we would follow our hearts, if we weren't afraid of the society;
• Perhaps we would take every sort of risk, if we weren't afraid of failure;
• Perhaps we would reach heights, if we weren't afraid of falling down. 

We're more concerned about the question 'what people will say?'. I'm not regarding fear as any external enemy created by the society. Rather it is an internal factor which lies within us and that restraints us from being who we actually are: fear of being judged, fear of being different, fear of looking silly, fear of failure, or even fear of death! 

These are the big roadblocks that creates hurdles on every step!

What would you do if you weren't afraid of anything? Think over it and share your views below on the comments section! :)

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Why do we feel lonely?

Before it's too late

Listen the unspoken words
Your heart whisper
The tender message it keeps
Before it's too late,

Don't wait for the perfect time
For it has never arrived
Today is all we own
Speak up! Before it's too late,

Show them you love
Show them you care
Coz there's nothing worse
Than being late!

                             -Mahima Goel 

You

You are gift 
        to this world;
        embrace your
        uniqueness,

Your soul is 
        a diamond; 
        pare it down 
        to luster,

You are here 
        for a reason;
        leave the imprints 
        of notable existence.

                          -Mahima Goel 

Life's pathways

It's all about you 

Have you ever felt like being so messed up in life that nothing seems to go at its right place. Negativity surrounds you from all possible directions, leaving no escape. Your actions are considered as your sin, and your good deeds are of no value. People have endless stuff to discuss upon behind your back, you don't even have an idea about which.

You probably must have. At least once in life.

It happens like this only, you know! Hundreds of mouths will continue to depress you. They'll have a never ending opinion of you. The more you'll give the less they'll feel. But comforting others doesn't always ask you to lose yourself. There comes a time when you need to prioritize yourself. You need to define the limits of your relation with yourself and with others. After crossing that limit, you cannot please others, just to save your relation with them. You are not left with any choice. You need to take stand for your self esteem and no one else will.

And remember you do nothing wrong if you start thinking for yourself first!

Isn't it funny how people change? Actually it's not the people who change, time does. Time has a great way to show what matters for them, for you, for me. It's the mask that falls off the faces and a true picture is shown. But one thing I would say to remember, never let anyone be the reason who you are today. Change for yourself, not for them. Change for your betterment, not for theirs. After all, it's all about you, only you can make difference.

Keep shining, keep smiling and love yourself! :)
                                             
                                           -Mahima Goel

My last wish

Struggling to breathe;

Now only left with
Few minutes to regret,
I wish I knew it before...

Laying on the death bed
With a heavy heart
Holding mixed untold feelings,
I wish I could burst it out...

Getting harder to respire;
Eyes starts to give up
And flash from the past
I wish time to stop here...

Recalling the faces that I lived for;
For the last time,
And 'the time' came
To depart this life,
All mute, all at once!

                                        -Mahima Goel 

A letter to time

Dear time,

        Will you wait for a while?

        I wanna relive this life...
        To catch a butterfly, to smell the flowers,
        To sleep for a couple of days, to stitch the dream,
        Or even to do nothing for a moment...
     
        Will you stop for me?
        I need time to find the time...
        To talk to breeze, to hear the silence,
        To walk with someone I love, to gaze at stars,
        Or simply to make time for life...
Will you cease?
                                                   -Mahima Goel